Great Expectations
EXPECT (according to Webster) implies a high degree of certainty and usually involves the idea of preparing or envisioning
Have you ever had one of those evenings where you haven’t felt like a participant, but an observer? Saturday seemed to play out that way for me. As I have been processing this weekend, one word continues to come to mind. Expectations. To be quite honest, that word sends shivers down my spine. Why? Because to have expectations is often times equated with being disappointed. This weekend, I encountered many people who had expectations and those expectations were let down. Expectations of others, of what an evening will be like, of a relationship, of what we want for our own lives. I watched a number of my friends create expectations of one variety or another and I watched each one get let down. YUCK! So, what is the answer here? Do we learn to just not expect anything? Personally, I think that is impossible. But, it is almost certain that, at some point, one or more expectations will not be met. The let down is inevitable!!! So, we cannot eliminate expectations meaning we therefore cannot eliminate disappointment either. I, personally, am not a very flexible person. I don’t “role with the punches” very well. I am the kind of person that makes plans for today, tomorrow, and the next 10 years. I like to be in control, to have all my ducks in a row. However, life does not care about my ducks or if there are in a row or a squiggly line, or even anywhere close to each other! I have had many expectations for my life… what working would be like, what I would look like, what being an “adult” would be like, and I have to say that for the most part those expectations have been let down. Now, on most days, I would tell that it’s been for the best. In some ways, having expectations is like putting blinders…it narrows our field of vision. We look at life and say, “I have option A or B” . We don’t leave ourselves open to option C, D, E , and so on. So, my question then becomes, how do we balance having expectations with being open to life coming in and changing things? Hmmm… my brain is starting to hurt. I expect that my brilliant friends will have some wonderful insight on this.
posted by The everyday extraordinary | 11:31 PM
5 Comments:
Ummm... can we go back to the L O S T questions?
Or maybe come up with something simple, like the unified field theory? Kidding of course, these sorts of questions are worth struggling over.
I guess different people are going to be dissapointed by expectations in a different way. We as humans tend to get our minds set on one particular hope and cannot view life apart from that particular vision. Does this stem from a lack of faith or a sense or arrogance?
Others may find safety in thinking about life or dreams in one particular manner and anything outside of it is scary and unsafe.
We have expectations moment by moment. When I sat down in this chair I expected it to hold me. As I write these words I expect english speaking people to have the same meanings for the words, so some expectations are good or necessary or nothing in life would get done. When we get into trouble, I think, is when we base our contentment on one particular event or hope. And we can really get confused (hall of mirrors) when we think someone else's expectations and don't realize that we've just imposed our own expectations. That's bitten me in the behind on a number of occassions.
There are a couple of areas in life where I struggle with expectation because I can see the potential good, hope and joy in them. And when they don't happen I have to choose if I am going to run and hide, or continue on with life in a way that does not rob me of my hope. Sometimes grief is very necessary in order to rationalize what is not with what is.
God has a tendency to shake my expectations, typically because I get too comfortable and fall back into old behaviours or my perpsective shrinks. But I think He does it in order to grow me. He's more interested in my strength of character then my everyday comfort. He never tells me what could of happened, His only response is Himself. I want to trust that because from my perspective, God is the only expectation that can be fully trusted and embraced without doubt. It's not easy, no one should say so.
The only bit of advice I can give, and I am doing a poor job of living up to it: When you have expectations relating to people, tell them. Ask them what their expectations are and when no one is meeting them, take a time out and regroup and re-assess. Honest communication can save a lot of heartache (if done healthily of course).
Minor correction
One sentence up there should read:
"And we can really get confused (hall of mirrors) when we think someone else's expectations are wrong or impractical and don't realize that we've just imposed our own expectations. That's bitten me in the behind on a number of occassions."
I've found that being aware that I have expectations has made being let down easier. I know that my expectations are based on a limited amount of information and so there are times when I'm going to be wrong about something. For some reason, this knowledge helps me to overcome my disappointment, although I don't think this is the perfect solution to the problem. It does seem to help.
In completely unrelated news, my best friend is a mom to a human being outside of her body! Dominic Minichello was born yesterday afternoon and both he and Kristen are just great. I thought I'd share the happy news.
Yay!! I am so excited about the baby! I can't believe it!
It's interesting that this is the topic for the week...it's something I've been pondering for two or three weeks now. (Thanks to a book called Recapture the Wonder by Ravi Zacharias...which I highly recommend)
I noticed something the other day...most of my friends are in their 20s or 30s and at some point within the last year, almost all of them have said, "This can't be my life." (Disappointment #1) or, they've realized that they don't need to think/dream about certain things in life anymore...what will I be when I grow up? who will I marry? where will I live?... because most / all of these questions have already been answered. So, what is left to dream about? (Disappointment #2)
Unfortunately, this leaves a person with a sense of hoplessness and loss. How do you combat this? Simple...God is the only thing that doesn't disappoint, etc. etc. etc. (See Adam's post)
Problems with "keeping hope alive:"
1. How do you live in hope without setting your expectations? It's like living in hope and not-hope at the same time. Yes, this is tricky...and the only comfort I have gleaned in this area is the fact that this is how God seems to handle things, as well. Since everything that is happening in our lives seems to be in the present-tense to God, he truly does have a hope that everyone will be saved and spend eternity in heaven with him. However, being the all-knowing, divine being that he is, he also knows that some of us will choose not to spend eternity with him. So, he lives in hope but not hope at the same time.
2. How do you keep hoping when there is "certain" disappontment? Last night I started wondering if my view of life is too small (which of course, it is). I've always taken the "everything works out for good to them that know the Lord" verse to mean that eventually, everything will work out and life will be happy and good, again. But, I don't think that's right. I don't think that it's limited to life working out here on Earth...or only for one specific person. Example: We saw the movie "End of the Spear" last night...it's the story of Jim Elliott, Nate Spirit, etc... missionaries to the Waedoni tribe in Ecuador. If the 5 men had not been killed, then the Waedoni might never have seen a difference in the response of the families. It was this "unnatural" response that caused the Waedoni to question their culture, view of God, etc. So, what was the "best thing" was that God allowed these men to be killed. But, it didn't work out for good in their life times, or even while they were still on Earth. So, I think a lot of the disappointment in expectation comes from expecting life to eventually work out here on Earth. But, I think God wants us to have a bigger view than that...
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